Goodbye to J.J.
Feb 11th, 2008 by admin in Uncategorized
Today Wade and I held Caleb’s hand and cried with him as he said goodbye to his friend, J.J. Over the course of this past week Caleb has learned what it means to lose someone you love, someone he saw almost everyday and had so much in common with. I in turn have learned unforgettable lessons from my six year old son. Not only did I learn important things about J.J., such as he liked to dip his food in yogurt and pear juice, he could not run outside when it was cold, and he loved Snoopy and Star Wars. But I also learned that sometimes there are no right words for a mother to say. I learned that you can’t always protect your young child from pain, but you must walk with them through it to reach peace and healing on the other side. I learned that children are beautifully resilient. I continue to know that I am not strong enough or wise enough or patient enough to attempt one day of parenting without the Lord. I praise God for sustaining me this week, and today especially.
Attending a child’s funeral is a life changing experience. I’ll never forget walking into the gym at Wright Christian and hearing the theme from Star Wars playing and seeing J.J.’s coffin draped in a Star Wars blanket and a large helium R2-D2 balloon hovering over it. He and Caleb would sit in class and draw the Death Star with Tie fighters and X-Wings swarming all around it, and they would debate who was the best Jedi ever, Yoda or Luke Skywalker. J.J. and Caleb loved Star Wars. I have never experienced anything more heart-wrenching than when we walked up to view J.J. and Caleb had me place his favorite toy light saber in the coffin with his friend. My heart simultaneously broke and burst with pride.
Through the whole day Caleb was very brave and thoughtful. We talked about how J.J. is safe with God now and that he will never have an asthma attack or be sad again. We talked about what a joy and a privilege it was to know J.J. even for a short time. He would tell me stories about a funny thing J.J. did at school and how J.J. liked to sing. I put him in bed tonight and he prayed, “Dear God, help J.J. have a good time in heaven with Jesus.” Amen.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for J.J.’s family and for ours. “May the FORCE of JESUS CHRIST be with you always.” -from J.J.’s memorial.
I am crying my eyes out as I read your post. Praying for you guys and for JJ’s family.
A heartbreaking observation … and a tribute both to your son and to J.J. God’s comfort to you all.
ditto to Nicole’s response
Jay G.
My boys go to Wright and were impacted by JJ’s life and his death. Nate is one year older than JJ, and he knows JJ is in Heaven, but told us that “he (JJ) sure is going to have a lot of questions for God when he gets there.” I think Josh may be having a more difficult time even though he is 4 years older, as apparently he sort of took JJ under his wing. But JJ obviously touched the lives of all the kids at Wright in a positive way, and I think that was reciprocated. I wasn’t able to attend the funeral, but my husband took the boys, and it sounds like the family is being ministered to through the school in a very powerful way. These are tough lessons for all of us…life and death…but especially for the kids, yet they seem to deal with it…each in their own way…with more faith than we as adults sometimes do. And I am thankful they are at a school that allows them to deal with, and express openly their grief in a spiritual way.
We recently had a similar “opportunity” , as my little one Megan (8) walked through the loss of a loved one with one of her best friends. His little brother, only 4 years old, had suddenly been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. We prayed with hope, and mourned with hope as we watched this once vibrant boy become an awkward topic as we waited for him to slip from his coma into heaven. And watching her friend coming to school, daily, crying out of fear that his little brother would pass while he was at school. I found myself being asked questions from my 8 year old that there were no answers to. Such a vulnerable and uncomfortable place to be in. To tell my child to pray for someone, and watch her diligently pray daily, only to have the result be the opposite of what she prayed for. How does one simplify what one does not completely understand? My prayers are with you all in this tragic period of growth. Sometimes the best answer, I have found, is simply a lap and two arms to hold my child tight and remind her that “This is what Jesus is doing to Julian in heaven and his family and friends on earth right now.”
Love you!
Becky,
Thank you for your story and your encouraging words. You are absolutely right about this being a “growth opportunity,” I have learned so much this week. I miss you and hope you and your family are well.
Your friend,
Heather
Heather,
I am so proud of your boy. My heart broke when I realized why Wade was getting Caleb’s favorite light saber out of the van. Children have such faith and love that not even death can take the generosity out of their hearts. I wish we were all as wise as Caleb. He knows and acts upon the fact that Love can conquer death and that, in the face of death, love is what we must all do.
Ali